We were coming to the end of our session, Shrink and I. Not only was it the end of the year,
but also the end of the ten pack the government hands out to nuts like me.
We were doing typical end of year things, squaring off, taking the long range view,
and trying not to sweat the small stuff, when in his most delicate, round about,
super professional way, he suggested I get the fuck over it.
I blinked, internally deciphering his Shrink talk for a second and laughed.
After nearly 18 years working on this stuff, his words were priceless.
Here's what else he said: Let go of whatever does not bring peace.
By now I was practically throwing money at him, but our time was up.
So stunningly simple and proactive and OBVIOUS. That's what I love about my Shrink.
He could have had me coming back every week, picking over the scabs of my past, but I'd never actually get to be in the present. He could round up another nut-pack of government semi funded sessions and keep his rent paid.
His timing was perfect. It was time to be nudged from the nest and fly.
"the parting" journal page
So while I was born into a family of multi generational Satanists with very weird sexual boundaries, I'm not going to let it mess up this end of my life. They got to have the first bit, the rest is mine.
I'm going to let Bruce be the only one that chews an old bone here. He knows how to stay in the present, shaking off things with his slobbery chops.
Not that it's easy - a stray thought wanders in and swirls about, gathering up other little tumble thought bunnies and soon you're gnawing away at that old thing again.
Will this bring peace?
Most times the answer is no.
And that is all. That old bone fades away and the present is a beautiful place to be.
details of bruce's portrait with heart stone
I'm settling for peace.
What are you doing this year?