Guess what? The world isn't huge after all. That small
bitch session you had in the little room
over in West Dean College came right over
the planet to me. God I love the Internet.
It's OK, we've all done it. It's what women do.
But you didn't have your cone of silence on, did you?
Stuff always gets back. It's Murphy's Law.
It's the law of chickens. And roosts.
Some of the criticism was actually good and I used it,
so thanks for that. The bit I loved the most was when
you suggested refusing my return to that particular
I guess you didn't know the overseas flights and venue
reservations were already booked and paid in full?
Yes I'm eager like that. No worries, flights can be cancelled
and the fees weren't that bad. It's the luxury of the Lucky Country.
I had a friend, one of the bitchiest savage queens ever to stalk
the streets of Brisbane. Boy could he dish it. One day he bowled us
over. We'd just sucked the marrow out of some poor person
when he announced this was no longer fun. From now on we
all had to think of 5 nice things to say about them,
and saying they had nice hair didn't count. "5 nice things"
is how I roll these days. Mostly.
So it's fine, really.
The flight fees got made up when Mingle magazine
asked for an article about that first workshop.
What a chuckle. I could have written a very different piece,
but 5 nice things wouldn't cut the word count.
So hat's off, splendid job. While I was your
own personal whetstone for that huge axe on your
shoulder, did you wonder maybe not everyone
in the room shared your opinion?
Maybe someone quiet, not saying anything much,
but afraid to disagree, or was the noise
of the grindstone too much?
I love attention, though. Didn't Oscar Wilde
say it's better to be talked about than never
mentioned at all?
I want to thank you. No really, you did me a favour.
It offered the luxury of a complete overhaul. The close
up kind that involves squatting over a mirror.
Grueling personal exfoliation that unburdens years of
heartache. I even cleaned out the studio and made a
heap on EBay.
But that isn't what I am thanking you for.
It's the new deck. It's what the cashed in
flights became. I'm sitting out here now.
Still in yoga pants because I work from home.
It's a gorgeous day.
While I wont be upsetting anyone
with my presence in Europe this year,
I did check in with the teacher, you know,
in case she hated my guts or something.
It required growing another set of ovaries,
but some things have to be done.
Turns out I am not a paper mache pariah
after all and we cleared the air.
She was as graceful as always.
That's about it, really. Therapy is working wonders.
This one is late getting attention because frankly,
there were bigger fish to fry.
You were at the bottom of a very long
and dirty list of jobs. I love a list.
Got a gripe?
Take a seat. Currently serving number 977.