Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Welcome to my bedside friends


  Welcome to my bedside. These are my friends who hang out at night
 by the king size bed. It features loads of vintage hand knitted 
granny rugs piled on top for snuggling.
I am spending a bit of time here.

 Plenty of room, as Bruce usually creeps up during the night 
to become a ball of black and white paw twitching, snoring canine love.
 You can spot an early pic of Don and I in the image below, 
kindly taken by the ex hubby. Yes ex hubby and I are still friends.
 Apart from a bedroom makeover, the new project is me.
I have not been feeling all that great and it is time for some digging.
Living with complex PTSD is something you manage, 
another round of sessions with a professional is called for.
Photographer Cloe Newman sums it up well below:

It's time to go inward to review,
 dig up and hopefully turn over some new soil to the light.
 For those with eyes to see, this will not be news, nor revelation,
 but grrl+dog does not whine.

Grrl+dog does not whine or whimper.
 Another place is holding thoughts on matters darker and less frivolous
than here. Rest assured, I will always bark with my own voice
 and color outside the lines. Right now, it's more like painting
 outside the lines in the old AA book when I can.

The studio has it's own dust layer right now. Thanks to Medicare, 
I have a great clinical psychologist, and 10 sessions rebated
at 70% by the government. I am looking into the 
large blank gaps of my clouded and foggy memory.

 Childhood innocence is a chord that sounds strong and true in all my work,
 and is the thing least present in my real life.
 The other blog balances. It tells the truth, contains wild theories,
holds the mysteries about what happened as near as I can tell.

The memories are returning, slowly, and after every session 
I am exhausted, so the lovely pink bedroom is a new sanctuary.

Fear not, we will resume our normal broadcasting. 
 No invitations to the new blog, it's very raw and word heavy
 with few pretty pictures.
If I know you and you ask, I will send the link. 
Otherwise stay here and enjoy the light.

a small reminder of where we have been on my dresser.


  1. Big fuzzy squeaky hugs from a little fuzzy squeaky mouse. Hope health improves...!

  2. Sending love. I will be back with more time to spend. Just the bright pillow on your bed makes me happy. I think there is excavation work going on in lots of the secret hollows and I wish you a safe journey through your story. More later. xo

    1. Thank Marylinn, I knew you'd "get" it.

  3. I love your guardians. I have a similar group of figures and animals. Wish I could make
    you a cup of tea. Been to a similar place. Take good care.

  4. wonderful lady who brings so much joy to others... sending you many virtual hugs. sad to hear about your struggle but inspired by your brave journey (as you know , it is in the dark emotions that true wisdom and growth can be found). thank you for your open heart.... much love to you xxx emma p.s.your room looks very cosy and healing!

  5. and something to make you smile: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1393238650899626


    1. yep! I saw it in your FB feed - Bruce pricked his ears up when it played.

  6. there's a poem here about sleeping with dogs


    i think you will like it too.

  7. Hi grrl ... I love your bedroom, it looks like a sanctuary with its healing colour & figurines :-) I hope it is just that for you (& Bruce).
    I experienced PTSD a few years back after a home invasion, & my younger son gave me a tiny "book on hope" & this was always my very favourite little verse in it ..." when you get into a tight place & everything goes against you til it seems as tho you cannot hold on a moment longer, never, ever give up, for that is just the place & time that the tide will turn" I hope you find your way through this journey grrl. Gentle hugs, Julie x0x (

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  9. Thank you for this post. Experiencing a bit of the Inward myself these past months (a year??) from health (and other) stuff. I'm sticking with the light for now, but I encourage/admire/support your delving into the darker aspects.

    And.... PINK BEDROOM! With Guadalupe! Yay!

  10. You are a brave intelligent gifted soul who has the wisdom to confront the shadows and learn... I admire you for this. Ride the waves as best you can and remember the upside of it all is nothing stays the same forever.. everything is transient.
    Take care
    with love from Robyn x

  11. PS... love the softness and femininity of your beautiful bedroom

  12. That photo by Chloe Newman is very powerful. Stay safe as you mine in your memories. You will be in my thoughts. The love you send out reflects a gorgeous soul. No matter how damaged your life seems to show movement towards whole. I hope your room remains sanctuary.

  13. I'm so sorry you are struggling, Grrl. As others have commented, it's a brave soul who delves deep. You have created a soft uplifting sanctuary to heal in. Lots of love to you xoxo

  14. you are digging in the darkness
    be gentle on your self.
    going back to reclaim the part of yourself
    lost in the past is really really hard.
    your little selves are worth rescuing
    you are their hero its sweet you've created a beautiful sanctuary.
    ~ stitch ...
    i give you my LJ its my private place you are welcome here

  15. You are a brave warrior and you shine your light so bright because you do go into the dark so far. thanks dearheart.
    I'm going on another sort of journey - moving from the comfortable day to day of Nova Scotia to the wintery delights of Labrador. From the edge of a city to a tiny town of 550 people - no distractions - I hope to focus on my writing (and accordion playing of course). I'm glad you have your boys to love you good. xx

  16. grrl you will so make it through this...sorry to hear things are difficult for you right now...I know I'm a rubbish blog friend but I would love to be over at your other place too if i can...i've enjoyed visiting ur blog again today with it's usual gorgeous cleverness and inspiring words and images. take care .

  17. standing quietly by, holding a glowing candle and waiting patiently for your return. Those of us who have walked gently over fields of broken glass will never leave their vigil. We're here. Always here for you.

  18. XXX I am sticking with the light and hoping that the spring sunshine warms your cockles and cheers your soul in the meantime enjoy snuggling in that lovely bright bedroom.XXX

  19. Such beautiful and encouraging comments from everyone who has posted here. I can't add much more than they have. All I can say is, you have a lot of support behind whatever it is you are facing and all will be well. Be strong, hold on to your faith as we all would like to move forward and put back together the pieces of our childhood we had no control over. And sometimes the adults who could have been there to support us, but were for some reason unaware of what was going on, those were the ones who were in our lives at the time of anything that happened to us when we were children, yet they weren't always aware of what was going on or perhaps they had no way of preventing circumstances that were also beyond their control. This is what I have experienced in my life. Hope this helps in your journey. We all want the innocence of our childhood back, the clear imagination that children so eagerly and innocently play out in their everyday lives, uncluttered by the adult mind. And children are in no way perfect and can inflict pain and sadness upon other children and sometimes they have no clue as to what they are doing either or why they did it. Sometimes it is a fight or flight response with what they is going on in their own lives. And we have to forgive ourselves and to forgive others, which to me is one of the most difficult of all human circumstances to equate to, as I have a hard time forgiving abuse that happened in my life from the one I love the most. I have learned that I have to be the strong one, and move forward and that I can only change myself, I can only change my own attitude, and move forward as a new person with new goals...I cannot change others.
    I have had your blog button on my side bar for over a year and a half, and your blog was the one that introduced me to the very lovely, Julie Arkell who has been such an amazing inspiration in many, many lives...AND SO ARE YOU AN INSPIRATION!!!
    I have never been one to wear my thoughts on my sleeve, but I tend to 'put it all out there' for what it's worth. Honesty is the best course of action. Healing thoughts are going out to you sweet one.
    thoughts from
    Teresa in California

  20. Oh, my. I see now. You have a new blog.
    Well, I've missed far too much. But I just am not keeping up like I used to.
    You don't have to let me in, but I"m knocking.

    Back to catch up with the older blog...


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